Romcoms are boring and predictable and here’s how we salvage the genre

trans-cir-el:

Okay, so I’m sure we’re all sick of the standard shitty (kinda really sexist) romcoms that get churned out all the time so HERES HOW WE SALVAGE THE ROMANTIC COMEDY GENRE.

No more fuckin generic movies where a Ryan Reynolds lookalike has to learn how to stop having one night stands and settle down with a generic girl who is New To The Big City.

We’re instituting a ban on every movie with discount Sandra Bullock having to Find A Man before she turns 40, with a dash of sexist ideas about career oriented women not being happy.

You know what we do instead?

MORGAN FREEMAN IS A GENTLEMAN THIEF PREPARING FOR RETIREMENT. He started out conning paperboys out of their lunch money and now he’s one of the world’s most infamous art thieves. “One last job,” he tells himself. But he can’t do it alone…

ENTER DAME JUDI DENCH, RIVAL ART THIEF FROM DAY 1. She’s planning on retiring to a small villa in the south of France, and she figures “why the hell not?” Little does she know that Morgan Freeman has held a torch for her since the day she first stole his stolen lunch money along with his bike.

BUT SANDRA OH IS THE LESBIAN COP IN PURSUIT OF THE THIEVES. She and her wife (Laverne Cox) are on their honeymoon when those fucking art thieves decide to steal the roof of the Sistine Chapel, and nobody else believes the plot is real!

And that is how we make a genuinely enjoyable romantic comedy.