lotstradamus:

I told this story to the group chat the other night and it went down a storm so I thought I’d bring it to a wider audience for shits and gigs. so. in the Year of Our Lord 2002, Avril Lavigne released her debut album, Let Go (which, incidentally, still bangs). to a little 10-going-on-11-year-old already showing warning signs of turning into a complete emo in 2006, Avril Lavigne was unbearably cool. she also, in retrospect, had bonkers masculine energy, which, to a little 10-going-on-11-year-old who would turn out to be really gay, was thrilling in new, weird ways! she had short black nails and wore her jeans so low! what did it mean! I did what any sexually intrigued kid would do: I listened to her album on repeat, I started dressing exactly like her, and I muscled my way onto my dad’s old desktop computer to search for pictures of Avril Lavigne… naked. ‘Avril Lavigne naked’ is what I searched for. I found no real pictures of Avril Lavigne naked, obviously, but a hell of a lot of manips of bodies with Avril Lavigne’s face 2002 photoshopped onto them in various… positions. I learned a lot that day. of course, being a little 10-going-on-11-year-old in 2002, I didn’t know about search histories or the fact that next time my dad typed ‘a’ into his search bar, AVRIL LAVIGNE NAKED was going to pop up and incriminate the fuck out of the Avril Lavigne Lite living in his house. which it did. my parents, being open-minded and understanding souls, gently brought up to me the fact that they’d seen I’d searched for ‘Avril Lavigne naked’, which I shouldn’t do because the internet is a dodgy place where you can see dodgy things, but did I want to talk about why I’d searched for that? was there anything I wanted to tell them? now, as a kid, in times of trouble (i.e. when my parents confronted me with evidence of wrongdoing), I would go completely zen. my brain would go crystal clear and supply me both with a) a feasible excuse and b) the perfect tone of voice to portray both sweet childlike innocence and a slightly judgemental ‘I can’t believe you thought of that, maybe you’re the weird ones’ vibe. I got away with so much shit because I was placid as still waters when challenged with my own bad deeds. but this was kind of hard to get out of. I’m an only child, and an out and proud Avril Lavigne fan to boot. I was still of an age where – and in a time period when – going on the computer was something you did when you needed to find something out. when my friends came round we played outside, or with stuff (?? idk) in my room. we didn’t surf the net. I couldn’t blame it on anyone else. it was, quite obviously, me. I was the one who searched for Avril Lavigne Naked. so how did I get out of it? how did I artfully sidestep my parents finding out I liked girls at the tender age of 10-going-on-11-years-old? how did they go on believing I was a strident heterosexual for another eight whole years? google ‘Avril Lavigne naked’.