reading a lot of classic lit is like being friends with a bunch of straight girls, loving and supporting them, but watching in quiet horror as they make horrible decisions, both romantically and otherwise. like…. juliet sweetheart i fully support your quest for the montague dick, but let’s make sure romeo has the message before we fake-kill ourselves, okay? messengers can be shitty in this day and age. and cathy, look. you’re kind of the worst, but you still deserve better than heathcliff. get your associate’s, be nicer to edgar, and move out of that town, ok? and don’t die and leave your daughter in the clutches of your evil ex while you’re at it. narrator of rebecca… first off bitch we’ve been friends for years, tell me your name… second, PLEASE LEARN SOME SELF-LOVE AND SELF-CARE!!!!! YOU ARE A VIBRANT CREATURE KNOWN AS WOMAN, YOU DO NOT NEED A MAN TO BE WORTHWHILE!!!! and as for jane eyre…….. bitch……… i mean don’t get me wrong i love all of you and would die for any of you, any time, and please believe i say this with the utmost affection, but ALL OF YOU BITCHES ARE SO EXHAUSTING. OH MY GOD.
except you, lizzy bennet, you’re an angel and i’m thrilled that you’re here.
i think a lot about that calvin & hobbes strip where they find a trickle of water and calvin is like “i guess we have the afternoon booked solid” or smth. i just really miss that. when you’re a kid and you get completely involved in small things without any real purpose. i remember when i was a kid i used to observe ants for long stretches of time, not doing anything, just looking at them work. there was no anxiety or guilt over being so idle, and very small things could hide a world of enchantment. i just really really miss that feeling.
my brother is teaching his cat how to high five by giving her a treat every time she successfully taps her hand to his hand, which is all well and good, but now she thinks that she is entitled to food every time she high fives someone. i can’t eat in the same room as her anymore because she’ll just bap my hand rapid fire and then go nyoom straight in for my pizza like no Kelly that’s illegal go finish ur own dinner
“No Kelly, that’s illegal.”
So, a while back, I was using clicker-training to teach my cat Taz tricks. She learned very quickly and it was a good experience all around, but we had to hide the clicker.
Taz had learned that the clicker meant she got treats. So she would find it, carry it up to people, step on it to make it click, and then SCREAM AT THEM to give her the treats she was clearly owed because the clicker had made a sound.
if it happened at all, it happened like that 