breaking news: harry potter has quit his job as an auror!
stating that ‘i have no idea why i thought that was a good idea, holy shit’, potter has since relocated to diagon alley and reopened florean fortescue’s ice cream parlour. in a comment, potter said ‘yeah. yeah, this seems more like it’ and added ‘i mean, he gave me ice cream that one time. loved that guy.’
All Pottermore stories and other HP related extra-canon are hereby replaced with this text post
my personal headcanon is that the reason that there are only 11 recognized wizarding schools, which of course seems like a ludicrously low number given that 3 of them are in europe alone, is that other styles of magical instruction (individual mentoring, generational covens, etc) are actually very common outside of the UK but are looked down upon and not considered proper by the hogwarts crowd
The simplest solution to justifying the imperialism of the author is to extrapolate it as imperialism in the text. You’ve only got a certain number of approved schools that the snooty European ones give their thumbs up to as acceptable by their prescriptivist standards of magic.
There’s also an Irish school set up post independence that the British ministry of magic refuse to recognise because they still think they have power over Ireland. That’s why there’s no Scottish students at hogwarts, they all get sent there. Any European schools that don’t teach magic in the same way as the approved schools also aren’t allowed.
Theory: JK Rowling is actually Barty Crouch Jr taking polyjuice potion. The real JK Rowling is locked in a suitcase in Scotland. I pray daily for her release.
My conspiracy is she pulled a Gilderoy Lockhart and the Harry Potter series isn’t hers and now she’s writing bad fan fiction to pretend like she actually wrote it.
Every Adult In “Harry Potter” Let Us Down At Some Point And That’s Important a 900 page dissertation by me
And that includes Joanne Kathleen Rowling a tear stained afterword by me
Hagrid Is The Exception a rebuttal by me
The Time Hagrid Told Voldemort How to Take Out Something Protecting an Object that Grants Immortality When He Was Drunk and Other Well-Meaning Fuck Ups a lengthy chapter
Just like Slughorn, Albus Dumbledore collects people. Only, instead of focusing on those with influence, he looks to the outcasts.
The expelled half-giant. The young werewolf. The repentant Death Eater.
He protects them and gives them a second chance. All he asks in return is their loyalty.
And, if on occasion he requests that they undertake a certain task, invoking their debt of gratitude – well, that is no more than he is owed.
He once thought to add a certain disowned Black to his collection, but quickly realised his mistake.
Sirius is not an outcast, but a rebel. He knowingly chose his path, and chooses what price he is willing to pay for it. He refuses to be used.
So Albus Dumbledore abandons him.
Who gave you the RIGHT?
Dumbledore knows Sirius’s loyalty lies with Harry instead of him, and he has no use for someone who is not willing to follow his orders without question.
Ooooohoo if there’s ever a post that fits my aesthetic…
okay but then where does Harry himself fit into this collection? Is he an outcast because he is “the Boy Who Lived”?
Nooonono, my friend, that’s what makes this post so beautiful. Because it fits the meta I’ve been trying to get people to accept for years.
Harry was an outcast due to a childhood filled with abuse and neglect.
Vernon made him an outcast by dismissing his claims of magic, berating him, locking him in a CLOSET and putting bars on his window, and let’s face it, even though her editor made her cut it out, Jo intended for there to be physical abuse.
Petunia made him an outcast by enabling and contributing to this abuse, as well as making Harry do dozens of chores while doting on Dudley.
Dudley made him an outcast by bullying him and threatening any students at school who wanted to be his friends.
And the rest of the wizarding world made him an outcast when they bullied him for being an outsider.
Harry James Potter became an outcast the moment he was placed with The Dursleys.
if it happened at all, it happened like that 